When I was younger, I wanted so badly to be a superhero.
I recall when I seriously considered how hard it would be to become Spider Man. I thought through what it would take to cross myself with radioactive spiders so I’d obtain the traits of the spider while still human. I wanted that possibility to be so real.
I imagined myself running through the streets of Cleveland, jumping from building to building, in search of criminals and making the city a safer place. It felt so real and so possible that when it dawned on me it wouldn’t happen, I was crushed.
Then as I thought on it further, I realized the chances of that happening were slim. There was no way I’d find a spider like that and no way to tell if the desired effects would actually occur.
With those hopes dashed, I turned to a more realistic hero in Batman. I figured if I could create or obtain enough gadgets like him, I’d be a force to be reckoned with. Having no money or technical skill to create those devices, I soon found myself distraught once again with the realization it would never happen.
The thing is, I wanted these to be real possibilities in life. I wanted to be a hero, to save others, and do good. I felt an ache inside when I couldn’t make it happen. I blurred fantasy with reality and when reality won, I had a difficult time reconciling that harsh truth.
I suppose reading comic books and being aware of bad things around me made me want to do something about it. As a young pre-teen, I had no control over evil. Murderers, kidnappers, drug dealers-I could do nothing to stop them. Visualizing myself as a superhero was my way of trying to contribute to a positive outcome in an otherwise difficult world.
I’ve yet to find a radioactive spider or create an arsenal of cool gadgets, but I have tried to do good as much as possible in all situations. I fail, but my mindset is always to do what’s right. It’s not the same as jumping between buildings with the strength and dexterity of an oversized spider, but I do what I can.